You Did What Now?

So about a year ago I was preparing my Halloween costume for work. The zipper on my skirt broke less than an hour before I had to be to work so in a panic to fix it and without a sewing kit or safety pins, I headed to Walgreens. It turns out Walgreens didn't have a sewing kit or safety pins either, BUT they had super glue. Super glue that claimed to attach any type of plastic for eternity in less than 30 seconds. Golden! I bought two tubes of super glue and tried to speed home as soon as possible.
While in the car and waiting at a red light, I had a brilliant idea...

This is how it went down in my head:

"I'm at a red light...I should open this package of glue to give myself a head start on fixing this zipper"

"This light is really long...while I have the package open, I should just go ahead and take off the cap..."

"Welp, off with the cap, oh, now I have to puncture the top of the bottle to open it. I should do that too!"

(Puncture) "Oh *@&%! Something is wrong with the pressure in this bottle, it exploded glue everywhere!"

"OH @*&%! This is SUPER glue! Ahh!" " OH %*&#! The light just turned green!" "Oh &*#@! my fingers are glued together!"  (can you tell I don't deal with stress well? oops)

"Okay, calm down, you can drive with your wrists...you should probably put the cap somewhere though...hmmm...in my mouth! I'll hold the opposite end of the lid in my mouth!"

(Muffled) "Oh #@*&! There is glue all over this cap. IT'S IN MY MOUTH! It's on my tongue! It's on my teeth. I just glued my tongue to my teeth!" "Drive, I have to drive, stay in the lines, get home"

So I made it home with my fingers all fused together, my tongue attached my the back of my front teeth, my bottom lip stuck to my bottom teeth, and my permanent retainer completely immersed in a pool of everlasting super glue. 

(Can we pause for a moment and try to imagine how hilarious this would be to witness another driving suffering through? I wish there was a camera.) 

Anyways, I stumble out of my car and into my condo to try and strip myself of the adhesive and fix my skirt. I successfully disconnected my ten appendages from each other and removed my bottom lip from my teeth. At this point I had ripped my tongue from my teeth but had a huge mass of glue still clinging to the back of my chompers. If there is one thing I care never to break or ruin, it's my teeth. I started to freak out and shove any kind of instrument in my mouth to try and extract the glue from my mouth. After ten minutes all the flakes and chunks were off my lips but the glue on my teeth seemed like it was there for good. Wanting to cry, I decided to fix my skirt zipper (which didn't work). All that work for nothing. I eventually thought of something else and arrived at work on time. 

When I got there, my coworker asked how I was doing.

Me: "Pretty good, except for I just glued my tongue to the back of my teeth."

Coworker: "You did what now??"

Me: "Oh, I accidentally got super glue in my mouth and glued my tongue to my teeth. It's still there, look!"

So..the following few days, I still was unable to remove the glue and I had ingested a lot of flakes from my attempts. One of my friends googled it and we came to the conclusion that I would either die from eating that much toxic super glue, or I would have to wait about a month for it to come off on its own. After about a month, google proved to be right, and the glue wore off and my teeth were back to normal. I'm really glad I didn't die from eating all that glue, and my teeth seem to be stronger than ever, so maybe it wasn't that bad after all.