My Nana

I miss you already!

Here's a picture of my Nana camping up in the White Mountains

I wish I had an old picture of her from when she looked like a movie star...

Today I lost my Nana. She had been suffering from dementia for a very long time and was to the point of not even being the woman I grew up with. I should be so happy she has passed on to be with family in a state of joy and no pain, and I am. For a while I've thought that maybe it would be better if she could pass on and not have to suffer in this earthly state anymore, I just didn't realize how hard it would be or how much it would affect me.I think what bothers me the most is that I'm not with my family to say goodbye and to mourn together. Luckily, I saw her during the Christmas break and despite what people may think she was capable of, she greeted me and said, "Hi, Sweetheart. I miss you." I've missed you too Nana. I told her I loved her before I left and kissed her head. My mom also let me "talk" to her the last night on speak phone before she left us. I told her about all the fun things we had done together and what I remembered the most. I like to believe that some part of her could hear me.

I've always been very close to her, especially since I was the oldest. My heart aches knowing my cousins and siblings didn't have a chance to grow up knowing this wonderful woman before her disease kidnapped her body. I spent many nights and weekends with her and we took countless field trips together. Heck, I'd probably be named after her if my mom wasn't sparing me from being called Edna! My Nana was one of the strongest women I know. She was the most fascinating creature to me and I yearned to be like her growing up. My Nana always took me out into the community to experience cultures and enrich my life at museums, art galleries, libraries, the zoo, and many more places. She showed me pictures and told me stories about my ancestors and all the incredible places she had visited or lived in her life. She installed a curiosity inside me and fed my soul and mind with the possibilities of the world. She also spoiled me with little gifts and let me destroy her make up and jewelery by playing dress up. I aimed to please her and make her smile in all that I did.

Here are some reasons why I feel a deep connection with her:

• My Grammers said my Nana had the "itch" and couldn't wait to leave home and travel. I too left right after graduation and look for every chance to leave and explore. I want to live all over the world! I'm her little gypsy girl.
• My Nana loved art, music, traveling, cultures, and experiencing things within the community. I'm now completely obsessed with these things.
• She was one of the most independent and self reliant women I've run into. I too have been referred to as "fiercely independent" by my G'ma. I can and will take care of myself.
• Nana was a go-getter. She loved learning and trying new things. She was opinionated but also one of the most giving and thoughtful human beings.
• No one is perfect and I know my Nana wasn't either. But she was a good woman with an incredible heart and soul. 

I see my life and my dreams as a direct result of my Nana's influence and life. I strive to be more considerate like her and to live a life full of charity and excitement. I don't know what lies ahead but I know that I have very big hopes and dreams I plan on achieving because of one of my heroes and best friends, my Nana. I know you hated people talking about you, especially when it was praise. But I love you and want others to know how wonderful you were too. I'll try my best to make you proud Nana! Say hi to Grandpa for me too!