Heather's Favorite Bedtime Story

I love to tell my roommate, Heather, stories. I tell her ones about when I was younger and all my hopes and dreams of taming wild animals into being my bffs. I'm a pretty animated story teller and I make sure to act out everyone (and do voices). She's always a good sport and laughs at my ridiculous tales so she definitely encourages my creative side. I also am kind of obsessed with drawing pictures. None of my drawings could be considered art, they're mainly stick figures with flair. Anyways, Heather's only request was for me to post the story that I entitled:

So, the story goes. One day I was driving to work, lalalalaa probably singing some JT song. I'm minding my own business and almost to the house when a emotionally compromised and distraught squirrel sees me.

All of the sudden I hear a thud and something goes bouncing around underneath my car. Not only did it scare the living crap out of me, it made me super mad! I thought a little rascal neighbor kid threw a ball or rock at me and it was tearing up my car!

I slammed on my breaks and looked around for the kid that I was going to give the stink eye to. BUT there was no one in sight. As I was trying to figure out what the heck just happened, I glanced up at my rear view mirror. Low and behold I see a little fluffy critter waving its tail around, trying to regain consciousness and mobility. I felt so bad that the squirrel had totally miscalculated the distance between my car and the road and about decapitated himself. I was overwhelmed with guilt but then realized he was totally fine! He was waving his cute little tail and started running down the road.

It was a Tuesday afternoon miracle!! Yay! He had survived the thunder dome of my Honda and came out victorious. I was quite pleased with the results and continued on my way up the street to work. When I arrived at work, I told my boss all about how this crazy animal had nearly killed himself and made a miraculous recovery. My boss was also surprised and happy but granted me permission to kill the local herd of squirrels because their neighborhood was infested with them.

I then went about my business but couldn't get over my little mishap. My boss had to go to a meeting and left the house. A few minutes later I get the call..."Hey Shelene! Guess what? There's a really dead squirrel in the road, I think you killed it!" I thought he was joking so I ran down there just to check. Sure enough, that little guy didn't make it. He totally fooled me by running 20 feet down the road and keeling over. Here's what I discovered...

Another view

He looks somewhat peaceful, right?

I don't purposely kill animals so I felt really bad. But at the same time it was slightly funny (is that morbid of me?). Anyways, my only consolation was to believe the fact that he was seriously depressed and to the point of suicide. I only helped him (with the aide of my car) to get past his troubles and make it into squirrel heaven. I never thought of it, but being a squirrel must be a hard life if you have to run under unsuspecting cars to end your misery. I always thought they looked really happy! I once caught one (but that's another story) and he looked full of life and happy to be a squirrel. Well, now I'm more careful when I drive to work and I look both ways for other little guys that may be trying to pull the same stunt. So, that was my first and hopefully my last accidental homicide. There ya go Heather! :)