Speaking of sleeping pills, I don't do well with them. They never quite work like they are supposed to. I've heard that some people on ambien eat through the night and others drive their car. I am a drug-induced-online-shopper. If anyone finds a support group for this, please let me know. I purchased a few things from Victoria's Secret the other night and had no idea until I received my shipping confirmation email. At least I got the sizes right.
So dreams...remember this post about overcoming my fear of vampires? Well, I got all cocky and started watching the Vampire Diaries. I know, don't judge me. Anyways, the other night after I watched a new episode, I had a dream that this guy
Klaus, One of the original Vampires started to rip out my heart to make my nice vampire friends angry. To prove some point Klaus just decided to reach in my chest and pull my heart half way out, leaving the "heart strings" attached and then place it back into my cavity. Gross, right? Yeah, what the H is wrong with me! The rest of my dream I had a huge hole in my chest and my pissed off Vampire bffs tried to kill Klaus for causing me pain and a really gnarly flesh wound. It scared the living crap out of me and when I woke up, I about ripped off my shirt just to make sure that I did not in fact have a giant hand hole in my sternum and my heart was fully attached. Damn that show.
But by far, the best (and most re-told) dream is my centaur dream. You know, centaurs...the mythical half horse-half human. So the dream goes...for one reason or another I was transported to another world, similar to the movie Avatar (the one with the blue people). The new world was a very beautiful jungle and full of multicolored plants and animals. It was basically Pandora but on crack (yeah, that awesome!). Unfortunately, the world was inhabited by centaur people that wanted to kill me. The last thing I wanted to do was die on some freak planet so I begged for mercy. Those kind half horse people allowed me to live if I agreed to become one of them. Since growing a couple more legs was out of the question, I had to perform all the necessary tasks associated with becoming a centaur member. My final test was to marry an actual man-horse. I wasn't stoked about having to wed the freak man but I chose life. Anyways, long story short, my centaur husband was actually pretty fine. He was like one of those sexy centaurs in Fantasia, if cartoon centaurs could actually be sexy. So here is a family photo of me and husband.
See, centaur is attractive with his six pack and bushy tail.
So after time, horse husband and I fell in love and conceived a child. (Don't ask how, my dream skipped over that part). Life fast forwarded like 6 months and one day I felt a kick.
It was at the exact moment that the thought first entered my mind. "Were those feet or hooves?!" For the first few months it never occurred to me that this baby might have a couple of spare legs and I was going to have to birth it. The thought was so stressful I woke up...never to discover if there were feet or hooves.
thank goodness.
My poor past roommates have heard this story and others. I'm also a re-occurring dream person, I have the same dreams all the time. Like when I was a kid, I read that crocodiles could leap 10 feet out of the water to catch and kill their prey. So then on I slept in constant fear of a crocodile escaping the Phoenix zoo, hopping on the 202 for the 9.2 miles to my house, busting through my window, and leaping the less than 10 feet onto my top bunk. All of that seemed really plausible at the time and about ruined my life.
Just to be mean, I'm going to show you proof of this terrifying event.
Good luck sleeping tonight. I know I won't.
Excuse me while I take prescription strength sleep meds to make myself semi-tired.
Good night and happy dreaming :)
3 comments:
I laughed so hard I cried, no lie, at this post!
ahhhhhh....you make me laugh. i love the six-pack on your sexy centaur husband!
I told you he was fine :)
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